To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
