I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
