Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
