I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I supernannyed him into submission
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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