I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
