some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
