Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
