Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
