I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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