We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I believe in your delicious
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