there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize