Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You took a bar mat shot.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
