Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
