In the future we'll all be gay
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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