he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
No subtext here. People are naked.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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