i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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