the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
