i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
