She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
