He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize