I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
