we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
