Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize