Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She even gives head with a lisp.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize