god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
