Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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