Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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