I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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