everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize