I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
