I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
