you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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