my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
