Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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