Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I supernannyed him into submission
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
