so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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