A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
