bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
