just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
