you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
