your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
