Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
