i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
we should paint friendship bongs
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