best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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