toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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