I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also, beer. Big fan.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
