Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
