Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize