Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
