Swine flu. Run for my life!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
