is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
