I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
