How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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