Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize