Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
