I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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