All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
