You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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