She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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