every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
