You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
