my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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