If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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