is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
