We won't sleep together?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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