JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
it glows. i had to have it.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
