Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize