my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
