My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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