Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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