look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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