I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
