The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She even gives head with a lisp.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
