alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
