i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
