I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
