Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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