At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
