apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
