Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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